Listen, man: I’ve got a few things to say about this Desert Trip thing, man. They’re calling it Old-Chella and that’s, like, bullshit, man. Just because I saw every single act on this bill in 1975 does not make me old.

Man, it was amazing, man: We dropped some Purple Window Pane and, like, at one point there were sparks coming out of Neil’s guitar and every one of the sparks turned into an angel but then it got all melty and turned into a demon face and I was totally screamin’, man.

And Paul came out with Wings and my buddy Leo caught one of Joe English’s drumsticks right in his eye, man—and he left it there!

And then, like, Dylan just decided he wasn’t into it and instead of playing he just sat down on the stage and started reading off recipes for brisket, man. It was RADICAL.

You know what else? That show was FREE, man. Or maybe it was like five bucks, but we climbed under this fence to get in because there were some naked chicks on the other side. At least I think they were there.

So, now there’s gonna be TWO weekends because they’re selling buttloads of tickets. I mean, the best seats are like $8,500 apiece, man! But these are tickets that the working man just CAN’T AFFORD, MAN. All these freakin’ yuppies are coming in with their SUVs and their designer drugs and It’s, like, bullshit, man. I mean, the Man has totally co-opted the people’s music, man.

Anyway, I better get back to work and finish up this report or we’re never gonna land that account, man. See you in the desert!

Editor’s Note: The 1975 concert featuring the Desert Trip lineup never actually happened, man.