Grammy complaints FCC

THE HEARTLAND SPEAKS, PRESUMABLY WITHOUT BENEFIT OF MEDICATION: The FCC has reported that it received more than 40 letters complaining about performances on this year's Grammy telecast, notes The New York Daily News. It seems at least a few dozen people in the highly moral heartland of America were distressed by excessive sexiness from married people, the nuptials of gay people and at least one Pop diva getting hitched with Beelzebub. Several took issue with Beyoncé's attire as well as her canoodling with hubby Jay Z at the top of the broadcast, not to mention the "gay agenda" of the mass ceremony accompanying Macklemore & Ryan Lewis' "Same Love" and Katy Perry's witchy rendition of "Dark Horse." Indeed, the latter performance moved one clearly not insane viewer to write, "I was ... shocked by the overt summoning of Satan by Katy Perry." Personally, we found it rather refreshing after all the covert summoning you usually see. Speaking of which, has anyone seen our goat? It's almost time for the editorial meeting. (2/28p)