THIS AIN’T YOUR FATHER’S WEAKEND PLANNER... IT'S A MUTHA

So whatever you have been used to in the past, forget about it, because this is a new time and a new age, and the Weakend Planner is being completely reinvented. My name is Je-c and I will be one of the new minds behind the reinvention, along with Pinkstephy and Jill Kushner. We plan on giving you the hippest and coolest info on what we like to do. We want to let you into our lives and tell you what we like and don’t like to do. We want to let you know what is the haps on and what there is to do during the weekend. We want you coming back for more each time. Consider us an addiction, but a healthy one. We will also try and bring in a special guest or two to share their deepest, darkest secrets, or just what they enjoy doing on the weekend. Herewith, folks, What Be Goin’ Down Yo…

POPCULT TOP 10
1. Loretta Lynn, Van Lear Rose (Interscope): This seemingly unlikely pairing of the Kentucky Coal Miner’s Daughter and Detroit Garage-Punk Blues King Jack White isn’t quite as odd as it appears. The roots-savvy post-ironist provides a variety of inspired genre settings for the legendary country singer’s proto-feminist croon, including Dead-styled country-rock (their duet on "Portland Oregon"), Cramps-like psychobilly ("Have Mercy") and even a talking blues, with Lynn recalling her father stealing her a pair of "Little Red Shoes." White’s work on the Cold Mountain soundtrack comes across on the plaintive Appalachian folk of "God Has No Mistakes," while "This Old House" recalls the sing-song country roundelay of Elephant’s "Well, It’s True That We Love One Another." The album is bookended by a pair of autobiographical tunes in the title track and the closing country swing, "Story of My Life," with Lynn singing tongue-in-cheek about her Sissy Spacek-starring Hollywood biopic: "It was a big hit made a big splash/What I wanna know is what happened to the cash." (Roy Trakin)

2. Kill Bill, Vol. 2: It’s kind of a shame that today’s movie audiences don’t have the attention span, or kidneys for that matter, to sit through a good, old-fashioned four-hour epic with an intermission of, say, six months or so. Taken together with Vol. 1 (now conveniently on DVD the same week... Who said Harvey Weinstein's not a marketing genius?), this is Quentin Tarantino’s Heaven’s Gate, his Once Upon a Time In America, or as one wag put it, the Gone With the Wind of exploitation flicks. While Vol. 1 was non-stop, choreographed swordplay, a tribute to Japanese grind-circuit genres like samurai and anime, Vol. 2 is the long-awaited follow-up to Pulp Fiction, a take-off on the kung-fu flick and Sergio Leone spaghetti westerns with all the delicious dialogue QT is known for. The movie fills in the characters’ backgrounds, illuminating the first, though not without its own share of set-pieces, like Uma Thurman’s The Bride getting buried alive to almost suffocating claustrophobic effect; a poisonous snake leaping out of a Pulp Fiction-like attache case filled with money, and Daryl Hannah’s pirate-patched Elle Driver losing her other eyeball, squished under Thurman's gnarled, blood-and-dirt-caked toes. The maternally charged subtext climaxes in the fetishized Thurman as super-ma, dispensing a grizzled David Carradine’s Bill, the father of her living daughter, with the lethal five-point palm exploding heart technique, setting up a delicious denouement that does for the ex-Kung Fu guy’s career what Fiction did for Travolta. Filled with a love of watching (and especially listening to) B-flicks, Tarantino’s vision is a lowbrow purist movie lovers’ delight. (RT)

3. Dodgers-Giants: Another chapter is added to this bitter rivalry. Last weekend, my D-MEN let Bonds hit home runs until his heart was content and swept them anyway. Unfortunately for the Giants, what they didn’t realize is that it is hard for one man to do it on his own. Perhaps adding some players around Bonds would help. This weekend, in the Stadium Known as Chavez Ravine, the Dodgers will look to continue their revenge on the Giants, who beat up on my guys last year. The thing I’ve noticed about this year’s D-MEN, although not loaded with superior pitching, it has some fight. The acquisition of Milton Bradley has made a big difference, and even when the Dodgers get behind by one or even two runs, I still feel confident they can come back. It is an odd feeling and one this Dodger fan hasn’t felt in a long time— a sense of hope. With my Clippers out of the playoffs once again, it’s all about the D-MEN. (Je-C)

4. MUSE, Absolution (WB): They are incredible. I have always been a big Radiohead fan. Some say these guys are the inspiration behind that band, but to me, they are way more talented. If you haven’t peeped their record, I suggest you go pick it up. It’s their second album, following their debut, Showbiz, which came out on Maverick. (Je-C)

5. Walter Yetnikoff w/David Ritz, Howling at the Moon (Broadway Books): The media has focused on Velvel’s mostly predictable anecdotes about Michael Jackson (weird), Barbra Streisand (a demanding kvetch), Billy Joel (naïve) and Bob Dylan (the most illuminating, with Zimmy being admonished to eat by his doting Jewish mother). But the most resonant part is instead the megalomaniac mogul’s no-holds-barred description of his fall from grace, and the sudden realization that his power only emanates from his position, a sobering thought many have been forced to confront in this era of Procrustean downsizing. Also of interest: Yetnikoff's spirited defense of independent promotion and characters like the late Morris "Moishe" Levy, who would seem worthy of a book himself. Of course, Walter’s putdown of the current crop of label bigwigs is a bit hypocritical and self-serving, considering it was he who started the out-of-control spiraling of executive egos along with the idea that they were more important than the artists themselves. It is a mindset that has helped lead the industry into the predicament it finds itself in today. (RT)

6. www.craigslist.com: An excellent and extensive community where one can search/post (by city) for jobs, sale items, personal ads etc. There are always plenty of amusing entries. Here is this week’s "Post of the Week":

Legal consult in exchange for Coachella tix

---

Reply to: [email protected]
Date: 2004-04-20, 11:04AM PDT
I am looking for a ticket to Coachella for Saturday, May 1. I was not sure I could go and did not expect it to sell out (yeah, I know it’s Radiohead) and I don’t want to pay some ticket broker hundreds of dollars for a $75 ticket. I am an attorney specializing in music/film/Internet law and am offering a couple hours of legal work in exchange for a ticket. I may be of help with other issues, real estate etc., but intellectual property is my specialty, so if you’re in a band and need some advice we could help each other out. (Jill Kushner)

7. iTunes Playlist: Ladytron, "Seventeen"; Modest Mouse, "Float On"; The Killers, "Somebody Told Me"; Jem, "Come on Closer"; Franz Ferdinand, "Take Me Out"; Rilo Kiley, "The Execution of All Things"; Yellowcard, "Ocean Avenue"; The Darkness, "I Believe in a Thing Called Love"... To have an online robot create a soundtrack for your life, check out: http://www.tinymixtapes.com/amg/ (Pinkstephy)

8. Pay It Forward (DVD): When it comes to renting movies that are so bad, they’re good, I can’t think of a better recommendation than this movie starring Haley Joel Osment. Haley is the mack daddy of creepy child actors who come off so adult that it’s uncomfortable. Haley’s joined by Helen Hunt as his alcoholic/squinting mom (squinting is not part of her character, it’s just what Helen does) and Kevin Spacey as his life-changing teacher (whose face is messed up from a fire, which always gets tons of acting points from an audience… I personally think this handicap was Kevin’s choice when he realized he was embarrassed to be in this film and thought folks might not recognize him). The movie follows Haley’s character, Trevor who, after being given the school assignment to come up with a plan to change the world and put it into action, comes up with a scheme to pay favors forward, instead of paying them back. This flick is off the hook cheesy and awkward. Take it out from a Blockbuster near you this weekend and hate these three actors by Monday. (JK)

9. NFL Draft: The ultimate couch potato event, televised live on ESPN, with analyst Mel Kiper and his coif—second only to Donald Trump in its ability to defy gravity—weighing forth on all the picks. Will QB phenom Eli Manning end up as the #1 overall pick with San Diego, where his dad Archie doesn't want him to go, or will the N.Y. Giants trade up to nab him for their first glamor guy at that position since Phil Simms? What will the Raiders do at #2? Where will humongous, long-haired left tackle Robert Gallery end up? Will undergrads Maurice Clarett and USC receiving stud Mike Williams get to enter the draft with a last-second reprieve from the Court of Appeals? Will the Skins nab second-generation tight end blue chipper Kellen Winslow Jr.? Will my J-E-T-S Jets Jets Jets manage to blow another one? Grab a coupla beers and some popcorn, don your favorite throwback jersey and cheer (or jeer) your team’s picks. (RT)

10. Shameless Plug: Come see me, Jill Kushner, do stand-up. Mon. 4/26 @ M Bar 8 p.m. show. (1253 N. Vine @ Fountain). I’m funny. I swear. (JK)

THE POVERTY JET SET
This Weekend’s Getaway Location: Las Vegas
1. www.lasvegas.com: Great way to find reviews on whatever you’re looking for.

2. Southwest Airlines: Cheep flights even at the last minute www.southwest.com

3. Drai’s after-hours club @ the Barbary Coast (midnight-8am): This is, by far, the coolest spot in Vegas. With a casual, hip and laid-back vibe, it’s the place to rock the night away.

4. The Hard Rock Hotel Lobby: Although the odds are probably the worst, this is MY favorite place to gamble. Hip, stylish and unconventional, it’s just the way a rock & roll hotel should be.

5. Peppermill’s Fireside Lounge: The swankiest old-school lounge in Vegas.

6. The Shadow Bar in Caesar’s Palace: In Caesar’s Palace, this bar’s attention-grabber is its dancers behind backlit screens and flashy bartenders pulling out all their moves to put on a show. My recommendation is to get there around 7:30 for a pre-dinner cocktail (they have killer Bloody Mary’s).

7. The Mandalay Bay Spa: $30 for full use of spa and gym. Attire provided includes robes, sandals, shorts and T-shirts. Complimentary refreshments: Fresh fruits, muffins, nuts, tea, fruit juices & bottled water. (www.mandalaybay.com/amenities/spa/)

8. The Klondike Casino: No more money by the end of your trip, but still wanna test your luck? This place has 10-cent roulette and $2 blackjack.

9. Shopping: Nothing beats big-city shopping, try; Mandalay Bay shops, Grand Canal shops @ the Venetian and the Forum shops @ Caesar’s.

10. Still need more motivation to plan your poverty jet set trip to Vegas? Check out: http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=simmons/040409 (Pinkstephy)

JILL’S WEEKLY 9 (BECAUSE 10 IS SO OBVIOUS)
Show My TiVo Is Convinced I Love This Week: Jag
TV Show I Actually Love This Week: Showbiz Moms & Dads
Seen/Heard This Week: Nicky Hilton at Koi wearing a jacket that said, ‘Teenage Millionaire.’
Favorite Pick On a Menu This Week: Oatmeal Frittatta at Hugo’s
Favorite Trader Joe’s Product This Week: TJ’s Salsa Verde
Song I Keep Listening To This Week: Modest Mouse, "Float On"
Drink I Keep Drinking This Week: Stella Artois
Commercial I Auditioned for That’s Airing (Without Me) This Week: Zertyk
Conclusion For The Week: The big news in L.A.—as a result of actors testing positive for HIV, the porn industry will be shutting down for two months. I think we all know what that means. Loads of non-SAG porn movies will be shot for the next two months. And really, the quality suffers. (JK)

NEW YORK MINUTE
There’s something for every musical taste this weekend. Suzanne Vega begins a two-night stand at Here (145 Sixth Ave.) on Friday (April 23). Also on Friday, "Don’t You Forget It" crooner Glenn Lewis opens for Mary J. Blige and Musiq at Radio City Music Hall (1260 Ave. of the Americas). Without Glenn, Mary J. and Musiq pop up at that venue on Saturday (April 24). For harder tastes, Local H will satisfy when they hit the mic at the Tribeca Rock Club (16 Warren St.) on Saturday. And don’t forget about Queensryche, who rock Sayreville, N.J.’s Starland Ballroom (570 Gmee Mill Rd.) Sunday (April 25). (Valerie Nome)

UPCOMING L. A. SHOWS
Thu. (4/22): David Bowie @Greek Theater
Sat. (4/24): The Distillers @Henry Fonda Theater
Sat. (4/24): Kid Rock @Universal Amphitheatre
Mon. (4/26): Metal Skool @Roxy
Wed. (4/28): Marcy Playground @Velvet Jones in Santa Barbara
Sat. (5/1): Coachella (Radiohead)
Sun. (5/2): Coachella (The Cure)
Tue. (5/4): Sugarcult @House of Blues Anaheim
Wed. (5/5): Danger Mouse & Jemini @Henry Fonda Theater (Pinkstephy)

TRAKIN’S PICKS TO FLICK
13 Going on 30 (Revolution/Sony)
Premise: The female Big, as a gawky 13-year-old girl picked on by her classmates makes a wish to become popular and transforms into a gorgeous 30-year-old advertising agency exec.
Stars: Jennifer Garner, Mark Ruffalo, Kathy Baker, Judy Greer, Andy Serkis (Lord of the Rings’ Golem), Samuel Ball
Director: Indie director Gary Winick (Tadpole) makes his big-budget bow, with a screenplay by the husband-wife team Josh Goldsmith and Cathy Yuspa (What Woman Want)
Thumbs Up: Garner in a star-making performance in a movie sure to resonate with the female demographic
Thumbs Down: It’s an age-old premise; can Garner breathe life into it?
Soundtrack: Hollywood Records album includes vintage ‘80s tracks by The Go-Go’s, Rick Springfield, Talking Heads, Belinda Carlisle, Whitney Houston, Vanilla Ice, Madonna, Billy Joel, Liz Phair, Soft Cell, Pat Benatar
Website: www.sonypictures.com/movies/13goingon30/index.html

Man on Fire (20^th Century Fox)
Premise: Bitter former U.S. marine moves to Mexico City as a bodyguard for a wealthy family receiving kidnapping threats for their 10-year old duaghter. When the girl is kidnapped and murdered, he devotes himself to revenge on those responsible.
Stars: Denzel Washington, Dakota Fanning, Christopher Walken, Marc Anthony, Giancarlo Giannini, Mickey Rourke, Rachel Ticotin
Director: Tony Scott (Top Gun, Spy Game, True Romance, Crimson Tide, Enemy of the State)
Thumbs Up: Denzel is never less than superb, and Scott’s filmmaking approach looks pretty kinetic from the trailers.
Thumbs Down: Can Denzel rescue this film from its cliched origins…and does the little girl really die? That’s a bit of an audience downer.
Soundtrack: None
Website: www.manonfiremovie.com

NOTABLE & QUOTABLE
Although Kwame Jackson didn’t win The Apprentice, he proves his wisdom in this quote given to Eonline.com. "When God closes a door, he opens a window, and now you just look for the draft." (VN)

Thanks to Roy Trakin, Jill Kushner, Stephanie St. Gal de Pons, Jesse Beer and Valerie Nome for targeting this Weakend Planner to the youth demographic.