ANDY GETS HIS TROOPS IN THE HOLIDAY SPIRIT

Despite all his recent trials and tribulations—not to mention all those upsetting news headlines—Sony BMG Chairman Andrew Lack is attempting to put his minions in the holiday spirit. The bealeagured executive issued the following memo, which HITS has intercepted, to his entire staff today. HITS presents the apostrophe-avoiding, unedited message below for your reading pleasure:

TO: ALL SONY BMG EMPLOYEES

As we move into the hectic holiday season and the industrys busiest time of the year, I just wanted to touch base with all of you on the solid performance of almost every part of our company and some of the great music that SONY BMG is putting into the marketplace.

We are racing toward pure gold and platinum around the world with releases from so many amazing artists like Alicia Keys, Shakira, Santana, Rod Stewart, System Of A Down, Foo Fighters, Gretchen Wilson, Martina McBride, Barbra Streisand, Anastacia, OutKast, and Eros Ramazzotti, to name only a few. In the next 60 days, we will be coming out with more than 200 frontline releases worldwide, including debuts from at least 25 new artists. Its a fantastic challenge but thats the excitement of the game were in and theres no doubt well win it hands down.

Stay focused and keep up the great work.

Andy