HITS Daily Double
Today’s investment gives us a broad range of resources that will help bring Rhapsody to an even wider consumer audience.”
——Sean Ryan, Listen.com


RealNetworks Cash Infusion Will Help Netco Expand RHAPSODY
Listen.com has announced that it has received a “strategic minority investment”—i.e. a big chunk o’ cash—from tech giant RealNetworks.

The netco insists it will use the funds to expand the reach of its Rhapsody subscription service—yes, the bastards want us to capitalize the whole word now—which licenses music from all five of the major label groups and multiple indies. However, sources within the online community believe the company plans to blow it all on candy and gum.

Real will become the main technology platform for the service as the two firms plot further tandem moves.

“We’re happy that RealNetworks, with its expertise in building cross-platform technology and creating digital content subscription services, is a strategic investor in our business,” declared Listen CEO Sean Ryan, who added that not every life-saving transfusion of sweet, sweet moolah makes them happy. “Today’s investment gives us a broad range of resources that will help bring RHAPSODY to an even wider consumer audience.”

“We’re pleased to be working with Listen.com and excited about the continued adoption of our technology platform by digital media content providers and the opportunities to expand the consumer’s access to media beyond the PC,” gloated Real’s Richard Wolpert. “But more importantly, we're excited to become the preeminent mind-control institution in the Pacific Northwest. In your face, Bill Gates!”

Real is also the technology partner in another major label-backed venture, MusicNet, which made its long-awaited AOL debut this week.

Listen and Real are now feverishly preparing thousands and thousands of press releases about all the exciting options they’ll be offering consumers.

Meanwhile, one Listen.com executive, upon hearing of Real’s strategic investment, shouted, “Whooo-hooo—it’s 1999 again! Let’s build the skate park over there!”