ALL THE NEWS FIT TO DIGITIZE

HORIZONTAL STRIPES OR CHAMBRAY WORK SHIRTS?
DMX may not have to worry about his Grammy Awards ensemble, as the rapper faces a 15-day jail sentence for drug possession and traffic violations in upstate New York. While attorneys have asked the New York Court of Appeals for a stay of sentence, a State Supreme Court Judge denied suspending DMX's jail time until the appeal is heard. The sentence stems from the rapper's March 2000 arrest. Police stopped DMX for speeding on the Kensington Freeway and arrested him for driving with a suspended permit, making an illegal lane change and marijuana possession. He then failed to appear in court, prompting an arrest warrant. The New York Court of Appeals could take up to one month to review the case, which leaves the rapper little time to begin his sentence before the February 21 Grammy ceremony, but plenty of time to practice for a cameo role in "Oz." Pass the soap, Bubbah.

FUNKY RULING
A judge's ruling could leave George Clinton in a financial funk. According to his Web site, the singer has been denied the rights to music he wrote from 1976-'83, including his Parliament hit "Atomic Dog." On Monday (1/29), U.S. District Judge Robert Hinkle ruled the music belonged to Michigan-based publishers Bridgeport Music, to which Clinton signed away his rights in a 1983 contract. The judge said Clinton's failure to disclose the songs in a 1984 bankruptcy filing voided any royalties. However, the judge deemed Clinton's signature dreadlocks a wildlife preserve, allowing the whooping crane nesting privileges in his head.

OHMIGOD, LIKE RESTRAIN ME, FER SHURR!
Singer Moon Zappa has asked a Los Angeles court for a restraining order against an alleged stalker. The singer, who gained fame on her father Frank's catty, comedic "Valley Girl," is seeking protection from Timothy Mark Brownfield, who pleaded innocent last month to making death threats against her. Brownfield, who was placed in a psychiatric ward in a federal detention center last month, claims to have penned the 1982 tune. Brownfield also claims to be responsible for New Coke, "The Garbage Pail Kids" and Nad's Hair Removal System. Gag us with a spoon.