HITS Daily Double
Start by thawing the turkey overnight in a marinade consisting of equal parts Louisiana Hot Sauce, vinaigrette dressing and beer. Mix in as much cayenne pepper seasoning as your widdew-baby taste buds can handle.
——From Rock Guy's recipe


By Turkeys, For Turkeys, About Turkeys

Hey, what are you doing on the Internet reading this drivel—get a life, fer crissakes. In the event you have no life to speak of, however, you've come to the right place indeed: a site where other losers with no lives crank out meaningless verbiage about nothing of consequence. By the way, happy Thanksgiving. Hope you're not eating alone again this year at that little coffee shop on the corner.

Will It Be A Good Night At the Box Office?
"Sixth Sense" director M. Night Shymalan returns with another tale of the supernatural, and from the initial critical returns, perhaps he went to the same well once too often. The beauty of his last movie was how it kinda crept up on you by surprise. This Touchstone release feels like we've been here before, even if Bruce Willis sleepwalks through a world he doesn't seem to recognize. Still, you can never underestimate a movie audience's hunger to want to believe in cinemagic new-age hooey.
Roy Trakin

"102 Dalmations": Can't remember the last live-action version of an animated feature that actually worked, going back to Robert Altman's "Popeye." This Disney Pictures remake is a sequel to the '96 edition, which didn't seem all that successful, though it did establish Glenn Close as the quintessential fur-loving villainous Cruella De Vil. Still, there's no way even Close's comic, over-the-top turn could beat her classically Goth-toon forebear. The movie's best hope is that kids won't sit through "Grinch" a second time around, and you're stuck at the multiplex with only "Little Nicky" and "Red Planet" playing. R.T.

"Quills": As a fan of the play "Marat/Sade," I looked forward to director Philip ("Unbearable Lightness of Being," "The Right Stuff") Kaufman's take on the infamous Marquis, with advance word touting Oscar winner Geoffrey Rush as a possible Academy Award contender for his role as the man who put "sadism" in the dictionary. And while this one doesn't look like holiday fare for the entire family—unless your surname is Addams—it seems the kind of movie that will be a staple of future midnight showings. We await the Broadway musical version. R.T.

Kazuo Ishiguro: "When We Were Orphans"
Mystery Meets History
The acclaimed author of "Remains of the Day" returns with a mystery which, similar to his previous book, deals with the period just before the onset of World War II. This time, the setting is the Far East as an orphan son, who has grown up to be a world-famous detective, tries to solve his parents' disappearance. A quick, fun read that keeps a strong pace from start to finish. While "Remains" dealt with the specter of the Nazis, this one illuminates the Japanese-Chinese conflict with an eye for emotional truths. —Lenny Beer

Guy Oseary: "Jews Who Rock"
Oy, My Aching Backbeat!
bigwig Guy Oseary offers a name-check of some of your favorite Jewish rockers with unfortunately little insight into the origins, heritage or upbringings of those selected for inclusion in this 108-page paperback. Still, it makes an excellent Hanukkah stocking-stuffer, with entries ranging from Herb Alpert and Beck to Warren Zevon and John Zorn, alongside many unique stops in-between (Courtney Love? Sepultura's Igor Cavalera? Geddy Lee? Richard Hell?). There's a foreward by Ben Stiller (only half-Jewish) and an afterword by born-again Hebe Perry now "Peretz" Farrell. All in all, not quite as slim a volume as "Great Jews In Sports" but nowhere near as hefty as "Mormons In Punk Bands." —Roy Trakin

William McKinley
, our 25th president, was born in Niles, OH, on Jan. 29. 1843. After the Spanish-American War, McKinley signed the Treaty of Paris, which ceded Puerto Rico, Guam and the Philippines to the United States; Cuba became independent. On Sept. 6, 1901, anarchist Leon F. Czolgosz shot McKinley. He died eight days later. Best Anagram Of His Name: We lick minimally. Best Anagram Of His Assassin's Name: Of nozzle clogs.

Paloalto: "paloalto"
Anybody Remember Melody?

It's easy to fathom the buzz surrounding L.A. band paloalto, given the way this tuneful, emotionally direct set—produced by Rick Rubin for his American Recordings—stands out against the current landscape of angst-ridden metal and Adidas rock. Fans of Radiohead and Travis will find cause for rejoicing in the band's passionate melodicism, which is bolstered by muscular, driving instrumentation. The comparisons to those U.K. stalwarts are inevitable, as singer-songwriter James Grundler's voice strongly resembles those of Thom Yorke and Fran Healy in its supple expressiveness and versatility. Standout tracks include opener "Depression Age," the intoxicating "Throw The Brick," the velvety anthem "Some Things Must Go This Way" and the rockin' "Swim." It's one of those records that can go from "favorite" to "obsession" in a couple of spins. Simon Glickman

"I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix."
—Dan Quayle

Adventure Takes Three Forms
Director Ridley Scott resurrects the swords & sandals epic with panache. Russell Crowe, in his pre-Meg Ryan days, stars as the former general Maximus reduced to slavery by the lisping and conniving Commodus (played by Joaquin Phoenix). Don't expect surprises from the story, especially if you've seen other gladiator flix, but Scott's trademark visual style puts a fresh spin on the action sequences. The real question might be whether Maximus will be too "Minimus" on the small screen. —Jeff Drake

"The X –Men": So many attempts to bring comic book heroes to the screen have fallen flat, and director Bryan Singer ("Usual Suspects") certainly had his work cut out for him by tackling roughly a dozen well-known—at least to comic book geeks—characters in under two hours. Singer's strong cast mixes the well respected—Patrick Stewart and Ian McKellen—with the unknown (Hugh Jackman's star-making turn as the taciturn and brooding Wolverine). Story carries this film more so than the effects—which are still stunning—with the only downfall being that this is obviously just episode one. —J.D.

"Chicken Run": For anyone who thought there was nothing new to add to the prison escape flick, we have two words for you: animated chickens. Directing/writing team Nick Park and Peter Lord—responsible for the excellent, and Oscar-winning, "Wallace & Gromit" short films—make their break into the feature-length world with this hilarious and endearing adventure set on a chicken farm in 1950s England. Featuring the voices of Mel Gibson, Jane Horrocks and Miranda Richardson, this Chicken really gives Disney a run for the money. —J.D.

How To Cook A Turkey
If you're a red-blooded American, chances are you'll spend Thanksgiving watching football and drinking your favorite adult beverage. I don't subscribe to conventional culinary wisdom—BORing. So embrace your desire to get away from the in-laws by hitting a sports bar and chowing down on hot wings while the bird is cooking. Start by thawing the turkey overnight in a marinade consisting of equal parts Louisiana Hot Sauce, vinaigrette dressing and beer. Mix in as much cayenne pepper seasoning as your widdew-baby taste buds can handle. While cooking at 325 degrees for 3-4 hours, contingent on the weight—just make sure the shit ain't pink—marinate the meat occasionally using a squirt gun. Stuff face. Drink. Take nap. —John Lenac

A jealous Natalie is out for revenge when Tootie lands the lead in the school production of "South Pacific."

What's Wrong With This Picture?
Mecca. The Nitpickers Site, www.nitpickers.com, allows you to vent about cinematic continuity faux pas with kindred spirits. According to the site, nitpicks can be any of the following: a microphone on screen, conflict within the plot, misquoted facts or technological inaccuracies. "The Phantom Menace" presently has the most nitpicks, with 316, while the #1 nitpicker has listed 330 nitpicks. I wish that I had that much time on my hands. —Paul Karlsen

Kresky.com: Remember those days back in the late '70s, sitting in front of the TV watching the exploits of ultra-cool undercover cop Nicholas David Kresky as he took viewers on a wild roller coaster ride through the "hip discos, gritty back alleys and dark criminal dens of LA's seamy underbelly"? No? That's probably because there was no show called "Kresky." Not that you'd believe it after visiting the official "Kresky" Web site, www.KreskyTV.com. From cast lists to episode guides, KreskyTV provides everything a "Kresky" fan could want. That is, if there really was a show called "Kresky." And there wasn't one, was there? —Jeff Drake

DETROIT –6 over New England; Minnesota –6 1/2 over DALLAS
Talk about a couple uh turkeys. Them dang Pats may be the worst team in football rat now. Every year, there seems to be an upset in one uh these here games, but I ain't buyin' it this year. It hurts mah heart to pick against them Cowboys. Everbody knows, don't bet against the 'Pokes on Turkey Day. But this here team is a bigger turkey than that there six-legged gobbler John Madden whups out ever year. (Record to date: 1-2)